Pre-Crime Alert!
A crime will be committed this Wednesday night at 8 p.m. ET, and there’s absolutely nothing – wait – wait, there IS something you can do about it! Let me explain.
The situation is this: The items currently posted on the alstradeup.com Auctions page will very shortly be sold at criminally low bids, unless you or someone you control acts now. And interesting items they are:
- Have you ever wondered who would win a steelcage deathmatch of parenting between Bert and Meg Wescott of Jenkintown and Jon and Kate Plus Eight of Reading? (That’s their actual last name, yes it’s Scottish.) This item will help you place a well-informed wager.
- Have you ever wanted to own ALL THE IRONY IN THE UNIVERSE in convenient, trade-paperback form? This book will provoke, simultaneously, tears of rage and peals of laughter — even if you’re dead inside, like me!
- What about a window? You know what a window is. Do you know what "installation included" is? Is having a brand new weather-tight window installed something you would enjoy?
All these are available right now on the Auctions page, and each will go to the highest bidder at 8 p.m. this Wednesday night, with the proceeds going to help find a cure for ALS.All these things are also currently sporting extremely low bids.
If these items go for these prices, arrests will made and charges will be pressed. It’s that bad. Please go there now, and see if you can’t work up a little nostalgia for that feeling you used to get when you threw money away on stuff for absolutely no reason. Except now, it’s tax-deductible.
