Well, that didn’t take long — more than a year to make my last trade. At that rate I’ll be throwing out the first pitch at an MLB expansion Guantanamo Guanos game in 2034. But regrets are poison. On to the next item for trade, which is an unrestricted free Southwest Airlines flight voucher, good for travel anywhere in the continental United States. Probably the second-best way for a couple to halve the cost of a Seattle vacation, other than perhaps one half of that couple leaving the other half at home. But that’s what unrestricted means — it’s totally up to you. Here are some other ideas:
- After spending years in front of your TV studying the MSRPs of Price is Right prizes, you can finally fly out there and rob Drew Carey blind
- You can follow the Daughtry tour to the West Coast, instead of being just a Mid-Atlantic regional Daughtron, as Daughtry fans perhaps call themselves.
- You can mingle with the white-hot stars of Hollywood’s rehab circuit at the famed Viper Room nightclub. Bring a syringe of adrenalin for your new friends!
Those are just a few ideas off the top of my head — you have your own, and to make your dreams come true just think up something interesting you can offer me in trade.
George: What about being a sports commentator? You know how I always make those witty comments during a game?
Jerry: You do make good comments.
Jerry: Well, they generally give those jobs to ex-ballplayers and people, you know, in broadcasting.
George: [pause] Well that’s really not fair.
Jerry: I know.
It’s not fair. Like George, every baseball fan believes that covering baseball games is the ultimate fun job. You get to watch the game from the press box. You get to hang with the players afterwards. And then all you have to do is write about what happened! Playing the game itself — well, I don’t talk about this here, but I honestly believe there was a time I could have broken in to the bigs, if I’d just had more talent, or been coached more competently. Of course, those days are long gone. But sportswriting? I could do that. I could do that tomorrow. I make good comments!
You can do that. Just offer me something cool as a swap, and you’re in. This week I traded the Poconos vacation to the editor of phillybaseballnews.com, who’s offering what amounts to either a baseball writer fantasy camp, or a really unusual opportunity to break into sportswriting, if that’s a dream of yours. phillybaseballnews.com is offering you a week’s worth of full media access to the Phils’ farm clubs in Lehigh Valley and Lakewood, NJ. This is real baseball coverage, so you can’t be goofing around. You’ll have full press box access (yes, the buffet too, I checked) as well as locker room access after the game so you can do your job — interview players and write about it. Your work will be published on phillybaseballnews.com, and you’ll be paid for that work with year’s subscription to phillybaseballnews.com (an $89.95 value).
If this sounds like a heck of a lot of fun, offer me something interesting for it!
You know how when, late at night, you hear a little rustling outside and your first thought is, Crikey, it’s another home invasion! and you slam down your drink and grab the loaded shotgun you keep by the front door next to the kids’ school backpacks and just start blasting away into the dark? You know what? It doesn’t have to be that way. If you were up in the peaceful, gentle Poconos, that rustling might simply be a baby deer nibbling playfully at the foliage next to your driveway, and you could probably take him down just using a small-caliber handgun.
In our hurly burly everyday lives we forget about the slower pace of the mountains, and how much it can mean to recharge our batteries with even a short stay up where the air is fresh and the night sky is so stuffed with stars it looks like some kind of astral rash up there. But now it’s easy to get the heck out of Dodge, with the latest Tradeup item: a long weekend at a beautiful chalet vacation home in Big Bass Lake, a lakeside community with enough activities close by to keep the most Type A sicko in your family out of your hair for 72 hours, and yet quiet and isolated enough to allow you to forget for a short while how THE ECONOMY IS TANKING AND MY COMPANY IS SLASHING JOBS AND WE’RE ALL GOING TO BE EATING DOG FOOD OH MY GOD!!!!!
Wouldn’t that be nice? Think of something you can swap me for it, and it can be yours.
Thanks for this trade goes out to Karen Ulmer, a lawyer with a heart of gold and a vacation home of cedar, and also, now, with two Jimmy Buffett tickets. Karen’s practice includes family law and divorce, child custody and visitation, conflict coaching, and any number of other unpleasant issues. Her office is in Langhorne, PA and her website is worldwide.
Couple of quick things — one, I was on WMGK this morning talking about ALS Tradeup, that was a fun experience! Click here to listen. Also, less than one hour to go on the auction items – still some bargains there! Bye! Buy! Ha!
A crime will be committed this Wednesday night at 8 p.m. ET, and there’s absolutely nothing – wait – wait, there IS something you can do about it! Let me explain.
The situation is this: The items currently posted on the alstradeup.com Auctions page will very shortly be sold at criminally low bids, unless you or someone you control acts now. And interesting items they are:
- Have you ever wondered who would win a steelcage deathmatch of parenting between Bert and Meg Wescott of Jenkintown and Jon and Kate Plus Eight of Reading? (That’s their actual last name, yes it’s Scottish.) This item will help you place a well-informed wager.
- Have you ever wanted to own ALL THE IRONY IN THE UNIVERSE in convenient, trade-paperback form? This book will provoke, simultaneously, tears of rage and peals of laughter — even if you’re dead inside, like me!
- What about a window? You know what a window is. Do you know what "installation included" is? Is having a brand new weather-tight window installed something you would enjoy?
All these are available right now on the Auctions page, and each will go to the highest bidder at 8 p.m. this Wednesday night, with the proceeds going to help find a cure for ALS.All these things are also currently sporting extremely low bids.
If these items go for these prices, arrests will made and charges will be pressed. It’s that bad. Please go there now, and see if you can’t work up a little nostalgia for that feeling you used to get when you threw money away on stuff for absolutely no reason. Except now, it’s tax-deductible.
Tradeup was the subject of a nice Ronnie Polaneczky column in the Daily News today – It’s a good piece but it raises a thorny question: Should I just go to Phillies Phestival June 22 and bid on the "first pitch" opportunity that they auction off? Using the proceeds of the final item in the Tradeup?
The answer is no. No, I shouldn’t. Here’s why: ALS is going to get my proceeds regardless. If I bid in the silent auction for chance to throw out the first pitch, and I win, then I’ve just taken away from ALS the funds that somebody else would have bid for that. Last year that was $1,300. You want that on your conscience? Not me bub.
So, no. As gracious as the Phillies are, I have to decline the invitation to try to win the first pitch via auction. I believe that over 81 home games, the Phils can find a spot for me on the basis of the Tradeup project. Hey, even Adam Eaton pitched 100 innings last year — I’ll get my shot, and I’ll do it the right way.
In the meantime, make me an offer for the Jimmy Buffet tickets! I’ll even throw in a blender! (No, I won’t.)
The Louvre-sized Utley artwork is gone, and in its place are a couple of tickets to see Jimmy Buffett in Camden on June 18. So, if you’re a ParrotheadTM, or know one, start thinking about what you might swap for these tickets. I know those Buffett fans are going to come up with some wacky trade ideas — looking forward to hearing from you! Details on the tickets are here.
Mike Rodia is the Philly Superfan referenced in the post below this one, who last October scammed his way into celebrating on the field — and then in the locker room — with the newly minted World Series Champion Phillies. His story is amazing and I wanted to hear more, so he agreed to answer a few questions for ALS Tradeup:
You went from the nosebleed seats to the Diamond Club to the field to the locker room — at any point did you decide, OK, this is the real deal, they’re going to have to shoot a tranquilizer dart right into my face to get me out of here? Or were you prepared at all times to just go if asked?
I was pretty much just going with the flow. I never really thought I would go onto the field, let alone get into the clubhouse. My seats were originally by the left field foul pole for the Monday game. Four of my friends sit down in the Diamond Club area. We also have season tickets to the Eagles game together and have since the Linc opened. I just sensed the Phillies would win that game and end the Philly curse. I wanted to be able to celebrate with my friends since we have pretty much been together for 100 combined past seasons of our sports teams not winning the Championship. I wanted to celebrate with them. Once I got onto the field and got the Championship t-shirt and the lei from Mrs. Victorino I just felt part of the celebration. I wanted to be there not just for myself but for every fan that finally was able to celebrate OUR team winning. (continued inside)
Not strictly Tradeup-related, but this is the story of a Philly sports fan with a knack for getting in places for free — presumably, he’s standing just a few feet away from Chase Utley in the photo currently on offer (at right).
When the Phils played in the soggy World Series Game 5—up three games to one—Lionel sat along the leftfield foul pole in a seat he’d gotten for free. With the game tied 2-2 in the sixth, rain checks were issued for the rest of Game 5, to be played two nights later. That is when Lionel somehow sneaked into the swanky Diamond Club section behind the plate, where Tush has season tickets.
Ten minutes in, Tush is in his seat—five rows up, just off home plate—when his cell buzzes. It’s Lionel. "Look to your right," Lionel says. And there he is, sitting TWO rows back, DEAD CENTER behind home plate, grinning like Phil Mickelson.
More detail here from the Delco Times. I need to get this guy involved in ALS Tradeup.
The Night of Phillies and Elvis at MacSwiney Club was a huge success, and the proceeds financed the next item in the tradeup: A framed, autographed photo of Chase Utley celebrating the ’08 World Series win. More on this item here.
Seeing Elvis do Sinatra songs in MacSwiney’s, a hardcore Irish joint, was an historic clash of contexts — like running into your kids’ elementary school teacher in a gentleman’s club. I think I actually saw a portrait of JFK do a double take at the segue from Hound Dog to Fly Me To the Moon.
Big thanks to Bill News for throwing open his Phillies event to Elvis and the Tradeup, thanks to Chris Callas for the Scotty Moore impression, and of course thanks to Jerry Perma, aka Elvis.